WORDS TO THE WISE

Ø   Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. 
Ø   Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.  
Ø   The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on the list.  
Ø   Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 
Ø  If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. 
Ø   We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.    
Ø   War does not determine who is right - only who is left. 
Ø   Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.  
Ø   The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 
Ø   Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.     
Ø   To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; To steal from many is research. 
Ø   A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. 
Ø   How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?  
Ø   Some people are like Slinkies ... Not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.     
Ø   Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.  
Ø  I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.  
Ø   A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.  
Ø   Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".  
Ø   I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.  
Ø  I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"  
Ø   Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?  
Ø  Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. 
Ø   Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ? 
Ø   Behind every successful man is his woman; behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.  
Ø   A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.