THE TRUTH THE WHOLE TRUTH....

Things People Actually Said in Court as Recorded by Court Reporters

• ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
• WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
• ***
• ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
• check for a pulse?
• WITNESS: No.
• ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
• WITNESS: No.
• ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
• WITNESS: No.
• ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
• when you began the autopsy?
• WITNESS: No.
• ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
• WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
• ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
• nevertheless?
• WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
• and practicing law.
• ***
• ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
• WITNESS: Yes.
• ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
• WITNESS: I forget.
• ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
• ***
• ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you
• that morning?
• WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
• ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
• WITNESS: My name is Mary!
• ***
• ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
• WITNESS: We both do.
• ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
• WITNESS: We do.
• ATTORNEY: You do?
• WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
• ***
• ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in
• his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
• WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
• ***
• ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
• WITNESS: Yes.
• ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
• WITNESS: None.
• ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
• WITNESS: Are you kidding? Your Honor, I think I need a
• different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
• ***
• ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
• WITNESS: Oral.