NATO supports British rioters, threatens air strikes

Early Wednesday morning, a press release was sent from NATO headquarters in Brussels, Belgium stating that, in light of the current unrest in Britain and the government’s lackadaisical reaction to it, NATO no longer considers the Cameron government the legitimate voice of the British people.

An international force consisting of naval, air and ground forces from eight NATO countries, including The US, Canada, France, The Netherlands, Belgium and Italy will soon be headed to the North Atlantic in a show of solidarity with the British people’s uprising against law-enforcement authorities in London and other British cities that has been going on for several days now.

 “By its actions and inactions, starting with the unlawful shooting of Mark Duggan, the British authorities under Premier David Cameron have proven that they do not have the best interests of the people of the United Kingdom as their priority,” read the statement.

“While NATO considers it to be the people themselves who must take the initiative to oust Cameron and establish a responsible government, we will take action to ensure that the abuses of British authorities is brought to an end, even if it necessitates air strikes and other direct military action.”

Prime Minister David Cameron, fresh back from an idyllic holiday break in Tuscany, had his office issue a counter-statement, calling the NATO action “quite mad” and saying that the people “clearly support Mr. Cameron” and the rioters are organized by a coalition of “Labor, the LDP, Al Qaeda and radical foreign elements.”

 President Obama said to reporters this afternoon that “one thing is certain now; Cameron must go. And by ‘go,’ I don’t mean ‘go on vacation.’”


The president also withdrew the US ambassador to Great Britain, as did most other NATO countries.

Embattled Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi has offered to contribute troops to the NATO efforts in Britain but says that his calls to NATO headquarters have not been returned.

Dog survives knife stuck five inches into head by burglars

A well-known South African artist and musician has told how he thought his neighbour was joking when he received a call on Saturday morning to say he should come quickly as his dog was "running about in the street with a knife in her head". Vernon Swart of Stellenbosch said it transpired that his 6-year-old German Shepherd and terrier cross, Bella, had foiled a robbery during which she was stabbed in the head.



Swart, known for his nude studies and landscapes as well as being the drummer for Valiant Swart, said he thought it was "absurd". He then went outside, to see the police "come charging, guns drawn". "Bella then attacked them," he recounted on Sunday, while she lay quietly in front of the fireplace in their house in Dennesig Street, Stellenbosch.

The neighbours had called the police as they had trespassers on their property. The suspected robbers never got into Swart's home, but must have been in the yard. Swart and his wife, Ingrid, who was at work at the time of the incident, then took Bella to a vet. She was put under anaesthetic and the vet “literally had to push his knee against her head” to pull out the knife, said Swart.



To their surprise, Bella was fine, despite the stitches to the wound. The knife penetrated about 12cm between her eyes, and appeared to have missed her brain. To reward Bella for her bravery, Ingrid cooked her a piece of fillet steak.

SAVAGE BIRD ATTACK

WTF? IS THAT YOU MUM!!

Apparently this mother and daughter are both in the adult industry. The producers have set up a dirty joke to get them both in the same scene. Blindfolded they start the scene but soon mom finds out who is her opponent...

FUCKING STUMPED

HOLDING HIS DRINK

Wellhe didn't drop it did he!!!!

DRUNKEN TITS!!

Just a couple of tits talking shite!!

Man Inserts Milk Bottle Up His Bum… To Relieve Constipation… Seriously…

You know, some people do some stupid things… this dude went and shoved a milk bottle up his arse, and it wasn't for "shits and giggles" either!

If you were feeling a little constipated, what is the first thing you're probably going to do? Take a couple Brooklax tablets perhaps to sort that shit right out?
It seems in China they've never heard of laxatives and believe by inserting objects like milk bottles where the sun don't shine, may actually relieve the problem… I would have thought this would have just added to the "pressure"… but one man in China threw common sense aside and attempted the bottle trick.
Unfortunately he pushed it in a little too far and couldn't get it out which required a little visit to the hospital to have it removed.
I could just imagine the conversation at the front desk:
Nurse: what appears to be the problem?
Man: Um, I have a milk bottle in my um…ass…
The dude must have really been walking like John Wayne
Check out the X-Ray…

Eish, really now, that's got to have hurt bigtime, check the size of that thing, how the hell did he get it up there in the first without, (in the immortal words of my old hostel superintendent) "rip the ring out of it!"?